Dear Me, Most of the Time

Dear Me, Most of the Time,

I can tell I've disappointed you, and for that, I apologize. It's not that I mean to avoid any even remotely uncomfortable task or experience, it's just that I am absolutely 100% going to do that at all costs, no matter what. Sorry about that.

I know, I know, it's not ideal. I don't want to keep saying "I'm sorry," and anyway, I should level with you. Can you imagine what it'd be like to actually be uncomfortable? Not great! Which I think just about answers that.

At the same time, I hear where you're coming from. I miss obligations. I forget tasks. I'm unreliable. And, you usually add, I should feel ashamed about every one of those. Ideally, very ashamed, and even more ideally, all the time. But you've got to understand! I don't want to do some of these things! Others, I forget, because I was so busy distracting myself from the things I really didn't want to do that I didn't even notice. I hope that makes you feel better.

While we're here, can I just say I'm a little tired of you mentioning that my coping mechanisms are just "distractions" with "negative long-term consequences." Um, how could laying down and watching a lot of youtube have negative consequences when this is what cavemen would have done if they also had youtube? Maybe just meditate on that for a little while and get back to me.

What I'm trying to say is that the judgmental tone is getting a little bit old. Maybe I just need to be accepted for who I am? As in, someone who will under no circumstances do something that is emotionally taxing or easy to catastrophize. It's called self-love, maybe you've heard of it? Well I love when I self-ishly ignore responsibilities and do what feels good anyway.

I bet this letter has given you a lot to consider, so I'll leave it there. Maybe consider someone else for a change. Namely, me.

Yours truly, Aharon